I am ...opening

Friday, December 16, 2005

obvious

well .. longtime not seen .. we broke up off course .. it so obvious , after the last article he aplogosied , we came back , 2 days and then he humilited me again , i knew he was rude , from teh 1stday .. but when he botherd me the 1sttime, he said sth horrible that hurt me alot , so after he said i wont do this again i thaught .. u know wt , he already said everything that i was afraid sb may ever say to me , he cant hurt me anymore coz he reached the higest level .. he didnt mean to off course , so i can forgive him , but i was wrong..
he had this power off finding every weak point in me and hurting it , so bad that after each word i feel i m not the same anymore, to avoid those stupid details , i finally decided to go away , and this time without explaining or even saying goodbye, bec i wasnt able to , i had lost all my power of forgiveness..
i wasnt surprised that i didnt drop a tear , had no regret .. to be franck i was a bit surprised , i didnt know that he changed my feelings towards him that much , had a hard week , but didnt need to think twice about removing his number and deleteing his messages , getting him out of my life totaly and forever this time,
he didnt leave an empty space, and that is a bit wierd bec i found out that he was taking other things' places , maybe he never had one , or at least when he was a friend he had one but he lost it ..
i dont feel he deserves me writing about him , but i wanna get it all out
the things i really hated about him , that was the way he sees me , talks about me .... felt toward me , he wanted me , as if i was something , not a person .. he look down to me , i wanted to spend my life with somebody who loves who i am , he didnt , he said " i love you , but.." u know , i love you but i m gonna change you completly into somebody else , what kind of love is that? how comes you love me and u want me to become sb else? u love that somebody else , not me
bad days and they are over .. the good things is that i m stronger now , 1sttime i took the dessision to break up i lost 20 pounds or sth (in the hard way )..2nd time i spent weeks crying , this time it was like ending a phone call..

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